INFJ/ yes! It in maddening! I have learned to do both when needed, but I am not good at either one for long periods of time. I will not lead those who expect to blame me for their mistakes, and I will not follow someone who doesn't know how to understand me. Yes it's paradoxical! Lol.
This can be incredibly draining. I get powerful flashbacks to the most seemingly mundane of comments (that I made) in the past on a very regular basis and am plagued by worry with how the other person may have taken them.